The biggest challenge
for most spiritual seekers
is to surrender self importance,
and see the emptiness
of one's personal story.
It is your own
personal story
that you need to awaken from
in order to be free.
Adyashanti
Once we finally start to figure out 'who' we are, there comes a knock at the door. It would be nice if we opened that door to find no one standing there. That would be our first clue.
Instead the hand held out to us, offers promise. Intrigued, we're hooked. Sometimes we don't know who we want to be. We might know only what we we DON'T want. A 'thing' can mean so much that a role we play, a place, a car, a pair of blue jeans, or a community can appear to be fused with our very identity; our happiness. If it gets ruined, lost, or taken away, we might feel like life will never be the same again. Our status quo can be unhinged by an incident, some information, or a shift in energy that disrupts. Change has such power over us. Why?
Some of us are more affected by TRANSITION than others. We're all vulnerable to the heart-tendrils we co-create through our connections. Whatever draws our interest and attention, enters our field of energy. Such weaving spins the very gridwork of our identity. Shifting gears can be difficult--might need adjustment or more fluidity. Deeply etched grooves can make gears grind with the slightest movement. Change continually intrudes, disrupts, and rearranges our very existence.
"I don't want this to end! I can't stand anything the way it is. I need something else. I don't want to lose this. I want it all to be so very different. I want everything to stay just like it is. I can't let go. Why is this happening? How I do to make it okay?
Such thought-threads leave us feeling upset, clingy or on edge. What is missing? Do we feel out of control? Afraid? Not up to the task? What stories are we telling ourselves? Do we believe them? What might happen if we questioned what we think? Do we know for certain that what we think is actually true?
Becoming Happens. We learn 'who' we are, 'what' we like, don't like, believe or disagree with; and who or where 'our people' are. Reframing as we go, we take each situation, each emotional onslaught, and upload it into our data bank. At first this process of identity building is exciting and creates the illusion that we are 'going somewhere', 'becoming someone'. Eventually we end up clinging to--or arguing with--this SENSE OF SELF. Ultimately IT thinks it owns us.
WHAT ARE you ? Really ?
Along the way, we often shelve our innocence and freedom. Close off to love, spontaneity and delight. Openess may now seem frivolous, dangerous. Being vulnerable might not 'fit' with our current self-image. We feel cut off from something, without knowing what, why, or how. When we really start to question The Whole Set Up, and get curious about what's actually going on, we might wonder, What really matters? What can I count on? Who's really there for me? Does LIFE care? Will it let me down?
Arriving at this doorway, we often wonder, WHAT IS THE POINT?
This invites us into a personal healing journey of conscious participation. Transformation becomes our new friend. Whatever doorway brings us here, is an invitation, a gift worthy of honor.
Wise beings warn against taking someone's pain away. Pain can be our direct route to SELF discovery. Of course we want to make it better--for ourselves and for each other. But I'm trying to learn to leave it alone with everyone I love. I can care and be available but that's different than trying to fix something. If someone seems unhappy, my internal radar system beeps. Help needed! I'm busy rewiring the circuits, so a very different signal can be sent:
Instead of being driven by an urge to help, let there be a pause--an actual holding back for just an instant. In this pregnant Stillness a new synapse can begin to whisper: Let her experience this doorway of not knowing on her own. Even if he can't yet value his 'gift' of opportunity, let him have it. This is their work and I can't help them, even if I'm invited. If I AM invited, then my only hope is learning how to listen, and how to 'be there', rather than, how to respond.
If this IS their doorway then I need to respect that. Care. Remain available. TRUST on their behalf--even when they cant trust for themselves. And take refuge in mutual silence and space.
It becomes much harder when the one who's 'in pain' is myself. Whether the tendency is to reach out or turn inward, there is a wanting. It's the same wanting we all feel. Its the same wanting that we all get hooked by. Our concern is wonderful (whether for self or other). The trouble is, we are already running down the path holding a fistful of stories we have believed. These 'thought fragments' fuel our hurried steps, cloud our perspective, and co-opt our good will with agenda-laden intentions. These intentions themselves arise from the stories, thoughts, and ideas, to which we have subscribed. There is really very little left (in all this 'self-ing') of what we truly ARE.
And that is the only point.
~
