CRAZY? Why do I post this stuff?

Who do you who do you who do you 

Who do you think you are? 

Bless your soul, 

you really think you're in control?

Why do I post this stuff in an online blog? Gnarls Barkley understands (and I suspect we're not alone) so I'll simply quote him . . . ...

"...I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that place. Even your emotions have an echo in so much space. And when you're out there without care--yeah, I was out of touch. But it wasn't because I didn't know enough. I just knew too much. Does that make me crazy? My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb... I wanna be like them. Ever since I was little, it looked like fun. And it's no coincidence I've come. And I can die when I'm done. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe you're crazy. Maybe we're crazy. Probably."     ~  Gnarls Barkley  ~

(Check out these ink-blot visuals & enjoy the music!)

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy 

SILENCE

Remember those childhood moments, when Life turns SOUND off? All of a sudden, a loud poof of Quiet erases all background noise—and everything in you pauses to register the shift? You look at your playmates, the trees, or scan the busy playground. It's all shrouded in magical stillness. Keen interest and a sense of wonder takes over. Then, almost as quickly, the sounds simply come back.

 Most childhood discoveries spring from innocence & trust.

Even now, for no particular reason, Life will invite us into STILLNESS. We become vacuums of Deep Presence. [Much like in a Movie Theater--without any transition after the loud previews--sometimes quiet images spring to life on the large screen. No music; no dialogue. Only seeing exists. Instantly, our senses notice the sharp contrast. We are drawn into the scene, itself, hungry to inhabit this new reality. From the inside.]

Oriented to tune out familiar sounds; we only realize we were hearing them, once they stop. The absence of sound alerts us. We pay attention. We are called to notice. We are drawn into Beingness, itself.

More and more, I am being called To Notice how SILENCE holds all sound. Whole body stillness. When LIFE turns off mental chatter, the entire conceptual realm can simply stop. No thought, image, story, or idea, actually exists. Even its originating impulse fades out. Vast empty space is  A l i v e .   Being AWARE, IT holds everything (including what is usually called ‘me’ or ‘you’) within itself. 

Being expands into Everythingness. It's all simply naked existence.

At first, such contrast can seem sharp and stark. The edge of difference; acutely felt. Initially, one might even wish for assurance from a projection room that indeed, nothing is wrong and 'the story' will continue with all its normal dimensions and familiar range of perceptual flavor. And of course it will, because its all overlay. Neither layer rules out the other one's validity.

Now--as in childhood--I feel eager and curious when SILENCE dawns. Such a heightened sense of availability leads to a lighter spacious Vastness that still includes what only SEEMS to be 'falling away'. It's simply no longer ‘contained by’ anything that limits, separates, or cuts it off. When no constricting framework exists to isolate any particular aspect from the everything-else-ness of Existence, there is simply the delicious Freedom to Be Deep Presence. To become the verb, that we truly are! 

~  ~  ~ 

 

Heart Pilgrims

"Will you find the answer in all you say and do?

Will you find the answer

In you?"

from    E N Y A
(video by   W E I R E N A ) 

My Other Life

 Do you ever want to run away?  
Or escape to the parallel life of your dreams?

   I've always had recurring 'beam me up' fantasies of instant transport to a lush tropical island: A place where no one can find me. All my needs are met. Sunshine, abundant fruit on shady branches, sparking waves, innocence, freedom, beauty, respectful wildlife, and all the amenities I could possibly desire!     
   This 'other life' has nurtured me simply by drawing (energetically) from the bounty of my imagination. Recently, however, it occurred to me that this idyllic 'perfect life' might not be the panacea I've counted upon--if it actually happened. So I tried it out. My wish has finally come true! Sometimes life gives us something even better than our dreams. I invite you to join me on my 'island' for 7 days, right now. Step into this actual wonderland and see what you think... 

 What might your dream look like?
Maybe a secluded island 
or
a lively gathering 
with music and campfire circles . . .
Total freedom . . . 

All your dreams come true?



My island has a tropical garden

with a little pink house 
tucked into a secret corner.

Come inside; there's hot tea and pomegranate soda!

 

The secret loft is warm and cozy. 

(Shall I open the hidden stairway?)

It's attic window has magical powers!

You can spy on the living room down below.

Maybe you would like to sit and check your email?



Its only a short walk to town from my island.
Over the railroad tracks, down the hill, 
to the sweet little village shops.

 When we get back I'll show you the outdoor shower

 surrounded by palms, sunshine and flowers! 

 

I learned how to tie my towel just like the island girls! 

If you're tired, here's the bed where you can rest.

Or maybe a window seat?  Something to read?

A glorious sunset is brewing out on the deck!

 

Shall we take a stroll to the nearby ocean cliffs?

Feast 
on beauty?
Taste 
delicious air?

 Or watch harbor boats glide out for their sunset sail?

. . . Mesmerized by the miracle of light . . .

---then head back for a snack as evening cools

and toast your feet before the cozy fire.

It's the little things that make life precious. Art. Beauty. A special touch that melts the heart. Fresh flowers. All the colors of the rainbow...

Daytime fades as shadows settle

amidst the brilliant play

 of changing hues, 

 

the glow of lamp, or flame.

Each day ends with my favorite ritual:

savoring peace

stillness

and a friendly book. 

 . . . as bed awaits, my spirit rests in gratitude.

Please come back to visit any time you like!

Like Baby's Breath

 

It’s not true

that people will like me
only if
they cannot see who I am.
 Its not true
(even though I always thought it was)

There’s no one there

for them to see
anyway. And

I have to be

what I am given to be.

Which, in this instant

is HERE. Fully open

utterly available

taken anew in each moment

by waves 
of unending Love.

If others feel uneasy
with this Vast

S p a c i o u s 
Life Force,

Why is it my job

to shield them?
What am I saving them from?
Who is being served?
What do I think I am? 

Stephanie Laura

Road Trips, Friendship & Freedom (Summertime in California)

"...you are all possibilities...

live as an appreciator of horizons

whether you reach them or not..."  

David Whyte

 

Freedom is deeply important to me. I have been trying (once again) to pretend otherwise. To think I could back myself into a corner of  'tiny freedom' where the chaos and otherness of existence can't find me. Problem is, my own stuff comes with me into this corner too.

Alive again, cruising along the open road in full sunshine, adventure calls! Above me: a canopy of infinite blue promise. Below me: sweet movement! (beneath my wheels, outside my vehicle, inside my soul.) My Camry glides through naked golden hills past occasional huddles of Live Oak. No shopping malls or suburbs--audacious freedom. The still point of the turning world becomes my sense of place and possibility. The volume switch for existence turns itself off. Life's noise goes quiet.

Hours later, I exit the highway to enter into a sepia tone, picture postcard: a bustling gold-rush town where modern families enjoy country life. The thrift shop is easy to find. It reminds me of an old General Store where townsfolk gather.  I follow my friend through nooks and crannies filled with unique objects of delight, while her husband helps a customer. Inside their office she shows me a giant piece of coral someone just donated: nature's sculpture-work, worthy of prominent display in its own glass cabinet! 

 

She takes off early, from work, and I follow her car along winding roads through a wonderland of Autumn leaves. The orange fireball starts melting into scarlet streaks. We reach her enchanted 'castle on a hill' just in time for a spectacular sunset, a glass of deep red wine and two enthusiastic doggies, eager to play.

I put my things in the 'guest' bedroom still decorated with girlish knick-knacks even though my friends daughter has grown and moved away (our kids played together 20-something years ago when we were all part of a large learning collective). Our evening together was delightful, falling into laughter over the antics of time shared and time elapsed, girlfriends again, as if no time has passed. 

In the morning, we squeeze in more kitchen talk and look at family photos before saying goodbye. My friend leaves for work. I'm alone with the dogs in a rambling fairytale world with secret staircases, arched doorways and window seats. I’m supposed to go explore the town but it's cloudy outside. All I want to do is curl up inside and simply BE. My room is cozy and the stillness invites me to luxuriate within this precious gift of empty space. Stuffed animals populate the daybed couch. My journal stares at me from the desk beneath soft lamplight. Hot tea steams from my cup. It is gray outside the window, with a light drizzle: a perfect excuse to stay indoors, read and write. Oh how I wish I had just one more day.

The very notion of 'choice' or 'freedom' can suggest ideas like impediment or advantage, acquisition or limitation. But do these polarized options actually represent the entire picture? When I experience a lack of freedom it seems to deprive me of the opportunity to just BE:

 I have this precious gift of time and now I'm conflicted. If I stay here and indulge my remaining time in capricious musings, I'll miss seeing the nearby towns, shops and scenery. If I go driving around, my time of inner exploration will be over. 

Why do I allow these demands of choice, and decision, to claim ownership of me? Neither option is available when they're pitted against each other. It becomes an endless tug-of-war. I would really, really like to stop doing this. I wonder how? Perhaps the real question is, What causes 'a lack of freedom'? 

Is it actually true that freedom is absent? Could I have it backwards? Maybe my sense of lost freedom arises from a misunderstanding: If it is our True Nature to 'just be' . . . and if we lose Awareness of this natural state . . . then, of course, we would no longer feel free.

Life loves to pull us in multiple directions at once. Right now, I stand here torn, like an over-stimulated child who has just stepped through the gate of her first world fair, multiple voices clamor: Go see that exhibit! Try this ride! Now!! But I just want to stand here, take in the chaos and let it wash over me. I just want to be fascinated by the blur of sound, movement, color and form. I don't want to move or think or decide. Just bask in the Everythingness. Most of all, I want the freedom to be moved by Life's intuitive rhythm. I want to register how IT nudges me; how IT invites my involvement. I wonder what prevents me from letting this happen?

Here in this room I simply stop. Put my coat down. (The outside world--the mandate to explore--can wait.) Pause long enough to really open. Feel. Sense into the  S P A C E  that cushions thought, impulse, choice, decision. Meet this vast invisible 'something' which surrounds me (inside, behind, ahead, above, below). BECOME what's real. Notice how it's already alive. Let it flow through my cells. Acknowledge it:

Suddenly I realize: Nothing wants to hold on. Everything wants to move. Nothing (and no one) is so important that IT (or they) get to trump the precious, unique, and powerfully present, moment. The stillness IS the dance. I want to stand before such a moment (in each and every moment) with infinite reverence: even if it means giving away everything else but THAT instant to see what it actually holds for me. What might it be like to continually free myself into 'just this moment' and simply show up and pay attention to IT? And nothing more....I wonder?Instead of being given freedom FROM the demands upon 'my' time--I can find the freedom TO fully enter each moment of time, by actually inhabiting it! Can anyone actually 'have' freedom? Or does freedom have us? There is sweet freedom in embracing the fact that I can't have it all. Yet, when I release 'it all' then I can have THIS! As clinging dissolves, vast, clear, Awareness remains. The 'me' falls away for a few precious seconds. Spacious Presence (Beingness Itself) is what we are. The relief of possessing nothing becomes the emptiness of being everything.

 ~ Okay, what do you want to show me?  ~  

 

If not for friends who make such space available to us,

if not for an uncivilized expanse of land, 

and maintained highways, 

where our soul can roam unhampered,

if not for the evasive edge 

of all our horizons 

where dreams take us, 

how would we survive?

~ Update ~ 

My friend still lives in Grass Valley. She and her husband have a different business, now. You will find CLOCKTOWER RECORDS downtown (in the photo of town above!). If you see Debbie or Curt, at the store, tell them I said hello!