Maybe I'll begin the blog I've always longed to write? I approached the temple of my writing desk to face my keyboard, eager to do the one thing that's always drawn me: Write about what's Real. Immediately, I opened a fresh blog page, ignoring whispered echos of danger.
I know how fickle the reassuring arms of freedom can be, so this time, I vowed to seize this precious moment.
Just briefly, I distracted myself, by checking out the latest entries from 'blogs you follow'. Then on my way to boil water for tea I organized the unsorted mail on my dining table, finding a note from someone 'in need'. I was about to call and 'just briefly check in' on this friend when a scathing voice of cruelty shot through my Being, causing me to cower in defense:
You will NEVER accomplish the things that matter most to you!
This 'life sentence' from a familiar old script, means well. It merely hopes to save me through proactive defeat. It presumes to help me face the absurdity of such false hope (in thinking I might actually break free to live my dreams). It intends to stop me before I make the foolish mistake of trying. Or fall into the folly of trusting. It just wants me to achieve the usual 'safe' result: give up before I start.
It is strange to sit and watch your 'self' be fought over like a wager in some gambler's 'high-stakes' game. Yet, I waited curiously without taking sides--simply to see what might happen. Gently, out of the Silence, a suggestion stole into the arena of this mental war-zone:
You are a free, innocent child. Let yourself be curious. Grok Life's unfoldment with passion. Be an eager witness to the innate wisdom of Existence.
This clear, steady impulse, came with a strong, yet subtle, mandate. Phoenix-like it emerged from hot ash, reached for me and gratefully, I am reaching back.
What is real, now--as I take my first step, into this lifelong venture--is that I do NOT have to choose between either of these uninvited thought-threads, even though they seem to be pointing in opposite directions. In fact, it is obvious that they both belong to this experience, as I belong to my life.
How do I know this? Because both of these 'voices' are 'in there' as part of my life-fabric. Initially the distractions standing between me and this blog, looked like obstacles. Yet, each one of them contain unique nuggets of value just for me. It is so easy to view such vastly different messages from our deeply conditioned stance of 'right/wrong' or 'good/bad'. But I have missed out on many tailor-made insights this way. Every blemish and every contradiction, emerges as a genuine part of something larger. Nothing stands alone. Everything belongs.
I am discovering an obvious secret: whatever happens (inside or outside) is something that wants to be noticed by me. All that Anything wants of us, is our full and undivided attention during its 'one and only' moment onstage. Just like people do, 'it' wants to be respected, exactly as it is. Nothing wants to be criticized, resisted, or possessed. So, there is no need to hold onto these insights once they have been truly noted (nor to the programed voices, or each other, or ourself). Letting go, and loving, walk hand in hand. We release one breath to take another.
I approached the altar of my writing desk, this morning, fully expecting an eloquent blog entry to spring forth. Instead, I found myself moving with capricious currents, through a hodge-podge of mismatched, unplanned developments.
Each sentence, here, separated by periods and spaces, appears to exist independently, yet to this blog they are an essential part of an integral whole. How can I truly write about what is Real, unless I allow the flaws and detours to appear in the spotless mirror of Truth, which reflects things exactly as they are?
Let me be the first (I feel honoured!) to say, "Yay, Stef!", for following this inclination to write about "what is real". I feel as if I am here with you, this morning as you sit down to write. I find inspiration in your words for meeting the moment just as it "is", appreciating it for just what is, however it is presenting itself (something I've been finding so very difficult to do lately, in those most challenging moments!). I have to say, it takes courage to do this, to write about what is real, to be willing to go on an exploration, and risk exposing whatever 'flaws' might present themselves as miring our way towards Truth.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to following along. You are an inspiration :)
I'm so glad to have you "here with me" Dee. Truly, it means so much to share this adventure! Yes—it’s a most rewarding challenge to meet things exactly as they are. But I think it comes from curiosity rather than courage. From letting the unabated child--still alive deep inside--show me how to explore again. When I was growing up, each frosty morning, each evening cricket chorus, was a brand new marvel, unique and full of promise. Feeling into that same sense of inquisitive delight creates a shortcut. It lets me slip beneath the obsessive arena of mental domain. It lets the Unknown seem much more fascinating than the tired old broken train of recycled thought.
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday Stephanie. I too am delighted and honored to be part of your blog adventure. I love what you said about life, living in your vulnerability, being here with curiosity. I also hear that you don't find it brave...but it truly is and also, I believe for you, essential. Thank you for doing this. xxox deb
ReplyDeleteI did not mean to be anonymous;-)??
ReplyDeleteDeb, my friend, you will never be anonymous! It's great to see you and I really appreciate the caring energy pouring through your words. So that makes 2 votes, so far, for courage. Hmmmmm. Perhaps courage and curiosity are connected with one another... Courage comes from the root 'cour', which means "Heart". Curious originally meant 'to care', so I guess they overlap quite well! Thanks for dropping by.
ReplyDelete"Be an eager witness to the innate wisdom of Existence."
ReplyDeleteGood advice for us all, dear Stef!
Thank you for inviting me along on your blog journey. It means a lot to me.
It means a lot to have you here, Dolly. You bring the tranquility of your surroundings here with you. It is calming and inspiring for me since I experience you as being intertwined with your magical garden-world. Your support means a lot.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, definitely curiosity.. this seems to be the 'motivating' factor, tied in with that sense of innocent wonder. But it's courage that keeps us going further, when the road starts to get bumpy, and the going gets rough (familiar, if uncomfortable, territory for me of late!) <=P And something that can help us with courage, is having good friends to share with! ;) I know you couldn't have gotten to where you are without a lot of courage, Stef -- and we get to benefit from this, as well -- in this 'space' of sharing and friendship. Hi as well to Deb and Dolly -- I look forward to getting to know you here... Dee (the 3 'D's? lol)
ReplyDeleteI fully agree with you, Dee: "we benefit from being in the space of sharing and friendship". Beyond description. How would we flourish without one another? Our innate connectedness draws us together. Our diversity excites and surprises us!
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