Monday, September 2, 2013

FRIENDSHIP & ROMANCE: Flirting with Quicksand

The closer we get to our true nature,
~ the pure essence of Being, the source of the current ~
The FULLNESS of what we are, 
potential becomes actual.  
As unfoldment occurs
the current glows
 more luminous, 
more radiant, 
more alive. 

A.H. Alamaas  **

What would we do without each other?? Nothing rivals the thrill of finding a new friend and tumbling into the glow of getting to know one another! Typically, we think of friendship, as being platonic. Sometimes 'friendship love' turns into 'romantic love'. Sometimes romance becomes platonic. Sometimes they are one and the same.


Most friendships are 'safe' because such lines are clear and obvious. But we never know if there's a sinkhole, unless the ground beneath us suddenly turns to quicksand.

Being friends, means being free. No need to monitor, nor hide, any facet of self-expression. Making a new friend means stepping out into the open ‘as you are’, feeling safe and experiencing 'home', no matter what. Each person is allowed to be exactly himself/herself. There is wonderment at each new revelation. Delight springs from a sense of merging with the very current of unfoldment, itself. 

Friends bypass labels and attributes. Age, gender, lifestyle, relationship status, and different world views, become irrelevant. The whole idea of 'friend' implies a bond, way more vast—and all inclusive—than romance. It means trust, and an openness that won't backfire on either one of you. Friends don’t hold each other to the scrutiny of boundaries like lovers often tend to do.


True Friendship means that nothing can stand in the way. An open ticket to be exactly as you are, is part of the deal. Romance can impact friendship precisely because it obliterates the open ticket. No matter how 'evolved' one might be: the possibility exists, that a beautiful friendship can be hijacked by romantic energy. If so, how will good friends weather the prospect of failed (or successful!) romance? 

What sort of mixed signals might arise when heart-energy no longer aligns with the current 'operative plan'? When something shifts somehow, do we resist or explore this? Do we take it personally? Do we want to understand? Are we willing to dance with shifting energies? What if it hurts or scares us? It's all just LOVE anyway.

The essence of that first blush!

Being vulnerable with our new friend--is all about THE MYSTERY !  

The novelty of someone 'brand new' tantalizes, like an irresistible gift-wrapped package. The art of seeking, revealing, and reciprocating, is not limited to humans. This ancient adventure is at the heart of LIFE itself! It is impossible to distinguish Lifeforce from the 10,000 things it creates!


Have you ever gotten to know a dog? They tend to be utterly unguarded and they carry their part of the conversation with overwhelming eagerness. Dogs aren't called "man's best friend" for nothing! I think if we use our dog-friendship's as the template, we'll do just fine. They NEVER stop being there for you. And they never feel threatened by any lack of attention on your part. 

Rather than view others as 'competition', (or mope and feel neglected) dogs become excited. They only ask to be right in the middle of the interaction along with everyone else! Their innocence may well contain the key to any potential dilemma. 

Dogs only have one agenda: connection. Whether or not it happens, where it might go, and what sort of outcome it has--are not even considered. This impulse to connect is available to one and all. Dogs grasp the fact that we exist for the sheer exhilaration of merging energy fields. Even a split-second will do. There are no strings and there is always and only this one sacred moment.


The more we know about someone, the less curiosity we have. As we accumulate 'information' it becomes far too easy to put each other in a box, thinking that if I know stuff about you, then I know you! (Not to minimize the stuff!  Such tidbits highlight the THRILL of discovery, itself!) But the real question is, How well do we ever really 'know each other'? 

It is easy to project our own images, dreams and fears onto one another--but friendship sees through all of that, more deeply than romance does. Friends allow 'the stuff' to be there. Trust endures almost any hurdle. The 'best' & the 'worse' are understood to be momentary flare ups within a vast continuum of genuine appreciation. Depth of understanding embraces idiidiosyncrasy, and dissolves misunderstanding.

Recently, at a social gathering, with people, whom I am still just getting to know, I responded to many of their questions quite frankly (as I generally tend to do with people) but afterwards I wondered if that was such a good thing. Perhaps this makes it to easy for others to think they know what box I belong in. And there is so much more they don’t know. 


The 'information stuff' we share, between each other (that makes us different, or alike) can give false impressions about connection.

There is equal risk, however, in holding out or standing back. If we wait too long, or fail to reach out in some personal way--it might make us seem aloof, superior, or utterly lacking any interest. Being unapproachable is just as dangerous as coming on too strong.  

Romance is not just for lovers. Any friendship 'worth its salt' is peppered with romance throughout the duration! I have always erred on the side of too much love. Being 'an indiscriminate lover of what is,'*** I tend to fall in love with trees, dogs, bridges, sunsets, and people, all the time. I highly recommend this!

From that 'first blush' of meeting, until the final farewell at the end of a long happy life of staying in touch and making a huge difference--friendship offers us infinite opportunity to spice up life. To play. To court. To applaud. To surprise. And yes, to grieve... 

** Quote by AH Almaas (Potential of Unfoldment) -- I took the liberty of rearranging the order of this quote for 'poetic effect'

**** Adyashanti (3 minute video: "an indiscriminate lover of what is")

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