If I don’t ‘pick up’ the scripts that say
I need to judge something,
or feel bad/good about it,
problems fall away at an alarming rate!
It’s been a year since I retired.
A sort of easy relaxed acceptance of my laissez-faire existence is settling over me. It doesn’t feel good or bad. It’s just how it is. It is a relief to simply admit that I am content with life as it is. YES, of course--in a perfect world--there are things I would change if the push of a button could make it so, but since it won't, I’m good with it all: AS IS. Whew--can it really be this simple!
I do not live my life by typical standards. Rarely have I done so, if ever. Even as a kid, I harbored secret fears that I might be “found out” if anyone really ever knew what my days were like, my family, my heart, my thoughts, or my dreams. But how many of us actually DO live our lives by 'typical standards? Is there really any such thing as 'typical'?
What if 'typical' is just a scare-tactic word, created by an insecure society hoping to reign in those who dare to question the status quo, rattle the cages, or break familiar molds?
Solitary time has always been my refuge. I grew up in an atmosphere of turmoil at home, and crisp order at Catholic school. FREE OPEN SPACE was what felt REAL to me. It was the territory where I thrived. It was wide open and utterly lacking in judgment or demand—like the acre of land we bought when I was 6 years old.
Growing up in the company of Eucalyptus trees, like a grateful weed, roaming vacant lots, my brother and I were wild and every day was an adventure. You could still see the purple mountains in the San Fernando Valley because Smog wasn't a word in our vocabulary yet. (see Eucalyptus Days for a peek into that world!) After 40 years in the work force (and I count 40 hours a week at school as part of 'work force') having a couple decades to do whatever one likes--seems fair. I am relishing retiement!
Next month I'm flying to the San Juan Islands to fulfill a life-long fantasy of escaping to a place of solitude and freedom. I can do whatever I want with the 'money & time' that I've saved up. WOW. There are no more standards to cage me in. I'm home again...Look our Werld: Here I come!!!!